Whether you call it the the Metro, the Tube, or the L, everyone has a crazy story about the subway. Some make for a good laugh, others we do our best to forget. Stand clear of the closing doors and see what crazy things can happen when you pause your podcast, take out your headphones, and look up.
You Run into Your Date
You’re jamming to girl-power anthems before a first date when you feel a tap on your shoulder and see – your date in the seat behind you. You attempt to look as casual as possible while craning your neck for the next four stops.
You Become a First Responder
You’re waiting on the platform for the train with a random man at night. He drops to the floor and before you can even think, you’re running and dialing 911. You sit with the man’s head in your lap, and later, the paramedics praise you for your quick thinking.
You Get a Sweet Offer
A man sits next to you and places a large bag on his lap. He turns to you and says, “Would you like to try a piece of my chocolate?” He gestures for you to peer inside with a familiar gleam in his eye. You jump out of your seat faster than you can say, “No thanks!”
You Put on a Show
You’re wearing a new wrap top that looks best sans brassiere. Men and women keep eyeing you and you know it’s because you just look that good. Only when you check yourself out in the window do you realize why they were really staring. Oops.
You Get Stuck
The worst place to get stuck on the subway is a tunnel, in the middle of summer, with no service. For two hours. You look around and strangers are actually talking to each other. Hey, nothing brings people closer together than shared misery.
You Get Attacked
You’re sitting and minding your own business when an angry lady approaches you, screaming in your face. You can’t imagine what you did to deserve this but apparently your very existence offends her. She raises her arm to slap you and you somehow duck out of the way before running for your life.
A man keeps trying to talk to a young woman. She looks visibly uncomfortable and your instincts kick in. You stroll towards her with your arms out and exclaim, “OMG, so good to see you here!” You grab her arm and stay with her until the train comes and the man leaves both of you alone.
You See a Ghost… Or Bigfoot… Or Whatever
It’s no secret that people in costume are frequent sights on the subway. There have been reports of aliens, demons, princesses, you name it. A personal favorite is the two sumo wrestlers who took up the whole aisle and no one batted an eye.
You Have an Epiphany
You’ve been on the train for 45-minutes when the realization hits you: Your life isn’t what you’d thought it would be. Maybe it’s your career, or your relationship, or your degree. Either way, you’ve got the rest of your trip to figure it out.
You Smell Smelly Food
At least once in your life, you’ll encounter someone eating a choice meal right on the train… and you’ll end up smelling like tuna salad for the rest of the day.
You See Live Animals
There are the typical ones – dogs, cats, the occasional snake. But don’t be surprised if you find yourself face-to-face with a raccoon, goat, exotic fish, or bird of prey. It really is a jungle out there. Maybe get a rabies shot, just in case.
You Break Language Barriers
An intoxicated man is sitting behind you. You feel his hot breath on your neck and resist the urge to vomit when the woman next to you whips around and starts berating him in another language. He stumbles off at the next stop. The woman turns to you with a knowing look and says something that you manage to understand completely.
You See Nudists
You’re eye-to-eye with a very large, very naked man. You have no idea if he walked onto the train like that or disrobed during the ride, but somehow all you can think is, where in the world did he put his ticket?
You See a Glitch
Some will say it’s a glitch in the Matrix, some will say it’s the Twilight Zone. But seeing two people wearing the same outfit, slumped in the same way, on the same train right in front of you is always memorable.
You Get an Eyeful
It’s late and there they are in plain view: A drunken couple doing the deed right there on the subway seats. Most people look away politely, a few stare, and you turn up the music in your earphones to drown out the unmistakable sounds.
You See a Couple Fighting
Some consider this even worse than PDA. When you step onto the train and land in the middle of what sounds like a badly written soap opera, brace yourself, try not to take sides, and duck if it gets physical.
You Get a Good Whiff
City dwellers come in all shapes, sizes… and smells. If a car is empty except for one person, stay away. And don’t step in that puddle, especially if it hasn’t rained in a week.
You Meet Your Soulmate
Most subway love stories end in disaster, but a few stand the test of time. Maybe he was the guy reading your favorite book, or the girl you kept running into day after day. If you’re lucky enough to have a meet-cute on the Metro, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.
You Fall in Love with the City
Despite all its craziness, there’s something about the subway that we love (and it’s not its reliability). Even our worst stories become fond memories that we laugh about eventually.