“Till death do us part.” is one hell of a commitment. Asking him these 25 questions may not be the easiest or most fun time in your relationship, but will save it (or you) in the long run.
The divorce rates today are heartbreakingly sky-high. Although I’m all for being all-in when it comes to love, the majority of failed marriages boils down to not fully understanding the ins and outs of your partner – what makes them tick, their childhood traumas, etc.
Throughout the fluffy stages, you’re unlikely to think about the issues that may arise, and this may make you reconsider everything down the line… and I’m not just talking about your favorite pizza toppings.
- Were BOTH of your parents around, and EQUALLY emotionally available for you?
- Let’s discuss our debts and our savings.
- If and when things get rocky, are you open to seeing a marriage counselor?
- What is the best thing that I can do to support you when you’re stressed?
- Do you feel comfortable asserting yourself and asking for what you need from me? Why or why not?
- What’s your take on personal space and alone time?
- Are you comfortable with openly establishing boundaries when it comes to the opposite sex?
- How do we expect our families to play a role in our lives and within our relationship?
- Tell me about the deepest pain someone has ever caused you.
- Tell me about the deepest pain you have ever caused someone else.
- How quickly and easily are we able to forgive?
- If our intimate desires evolve or change, do you feel comfortable discussing this with me?
- Tell me one non-negotiable you have for your everyday life.
- If I’m unable to conceive, what are your honest thoughts and opinion surrounding that?
- What would you consider your self-care practices to be? How important are they to you?
- Do you believe I do a decent job when it comes to understanding and accepting you?
- If we do have kids, would you change anything from the ways your parents raised you?
- Were you always allowed to fully express your emotions and needs as a child?
- Are you cool with dividing household chores? How would you like to split them?
- Would you ever have considered yourself to have an addictive personality? How so?
- What’s your favorite physical attribute about me? How would you react if this diminished or was lost?
- Have politics or media ever impacted your past relationships?
- How much TV do you like to watch? Could you live without cable?
- What is your general relationship with food like? Would you say that it’s ever been disordered?
- If you could foresee one limitation getting in the way of our marriage, what would that be?
There are no guarantees to the success of your marriage, regardless of how well you know your partner, or how invested they are in you. And I don’t believe there is a timeline, or a “right/wrong” time to wed. But it’s extremely important that you DEEPLY get to know who you are about to marry, on a level that is almost spiritual.
Having some tough conversations opens up your love’s portal to vulnerability — which is at the core of all successful and healthy marriages. After that, almost any obstacle you come across will have the prior discussion behind it, so you won’t be left with a buzzing mind of uncertainty.
And if ever you DO find yourself having doubts? Let your guard down and COMMUNICATE — it’s the only way to get yourselves through the situation without the headaches.