Dating Chronicles Part 2


Congrats, you’re back!

Hopefully by now, you’ve started swiping or – if you’re just joining us – we suggest you review  Part 1.

Creating a profile and checking out “the scene“ may have been a little stressful but grab your helmets ladies because the fun has just begun!

Perhaps you’ve exchanged a message or two, or been swarmed upon because you know how excited guys get when they see a shiny new ball….

We can all agree that communication is key and sometimes things get lost in translation.
So, we feel it’s important to share some of what we have already heard – feel free to add to the list .

What are you up to tonight?

We’re all for spontaneity, but can we at least chat for 24 hours before you ask for a booty call?

Hey beautiful, morning sexy, or hi gorgeous.

Beware: You are already in a rotation with other fabulous women who are being copied and pasted the same message.

It’s not you, it’s me.

This one stands the test of time and works in person or over any device. Translation – “I’m out!”

You’re too busy for me and you have way too much going on and deserve to be with someone in your lane.

Translation – “I’m not attracted to you …’re too fat, too thin, too tall, not what I expected. You look nothing like your pictures or the picture in my head I’ve made up about you.” Everyone knows people make time for who they want to make time for.


They keep coming around, throwing the hook in to see if you will still bite but never really telling you anything about themselves or committing to a conversation. They’re not even a good pen-pal, lol.



You have been deleted.

Still one of our favorites, it showcases the lack of maturity without overshadowing the passive-aggressive undertone.

You’re tough!

Translation- “Shit, she has boundaries and expectations and she’s not gonna let me get away with anything shady! I wish she was a doormat so I could just do whatever I want and she will still feel lucky to have me.”

The U-turn.

Be who you are because, sooner or later, the truth will come out! If the person looks 10 years older and more than 20 pounds over, we just make a U-turn and book it. A lot of people think that is rude, but anything else would be enabling that behavior. Works both ways buddy – but if you’re so confident you could kindly let that person down face to face instead of hurting someone who clearly is trying not to be judged on appearances alone, go for it.

I fell asleep on the couch.

He said he would call, then didn’t and then, the next day, without you asking, he tells you this. Why even bother providing an excuse? Who asked????

I’m a consultant.

This is the worst response to a question about work. So you’re unemployed? Or you’re rolling in the dough? Which one is it?

I can cook.

Boiling water is not cooking; if your profile says you can cook, you should be able to do more than scramble eggs.

I’m just looking for new friends.

So….you’re on a DATING site just to find a new bowling partner? Next….(This one is definitely our favorite).

Keep in mind, dating is tough. Be open, be clear about expectations, and be kind. Hopefully these translations help make the world of e-dating a little easier.

Tune in next time when we tackle the “one-hitter quitter.”


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